YAZ LOGS

PERSONNAL OPENING THOUGHTS

As a teenager who has grappled with a range of self-sabotaging behaviors, discovering this book feels like a turning point for me. For a long time, I’ve been aware of the ways I often stand in my own way, whether through procrastination, self-doubt, or fear of failure. I’m genuinely excited to dive into the book to gain a deeper understanding of why we self-sabotage, and learn practical tools to overcome these patterns. My hope is to not only absorb the lessons this book offers but to actively apply them in my life and start building healthier habits that align with the person I want to become. I’m ready to take this journey and make the most of what this book has to offer.

INTRODUCTION

• Like nature, life is often working in our favor
• Our minds frequently go through cycles of positive desintegration, where we renew our self-concept. A time for reinvention and rebirth
  • Those episodes often happen when we are forced to get out of our comfort zones, when we can no longer rely on our coping mechanisms
• The breakdown precedes the breakthrough
• Mountains are often used as metaphors for spiritual growth, awakening and challenges
  • In order to form your mountain, you need to reconcile your coexisting but conflicting needs (the conscious VS the unconscious)
  • Facing your mountain almost always means to face years and years of coping mechanisms and trauma adaptations
• It is thanks to imperfection that growth is possible
• If we see our problems as catalysts, we will forever be able to grow
• Mourning the loss of your younger self, the one who has gotten you this far, is beneficial in order to welcome your future self that is going to lead you from now on

CHAPTER 1 : THE MOUNTAIN IS YOU

• Nothing holds you back in life more than yourself
• Self-sabotage is simply the presence of an unconscious need that is being fulfilled by the self-sabotaging behavior
• We often try to rip off the Band-Aid before healing the wound
• Your brains confirmation bias works in order to prove and affirm your preexisting beliefs
• We fear the unknown because it is the ultimate form of loss of control, we are scared that we may not be able to handle it
  • We are programed to look for what we know, to stay in our comfort zone, to keep ourselves ‘safe’
• Your beliefs shape your life. What you think becomes reality

To truly heal, you are going to have to change the way you think. You are going to have to become very conscious of negative and false beliefs and start shifting to a mindset that actually serves you.

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• You have to become real with yourself, even if it is difficult
  • This made me think of the Accountability Mirror, from David Goggins (look it up!)
• The greatest act of self-love is to no longer accept a life you are unhappy with
• Rock bottom is often where our healing journey begins. It is where we are finally faced with ourselves
  • It is when you tell yourself : I never want to feel this way again
  • Let yourself feel the rage towards yourself, use it as a fuel to never go on as you are
• The people who are meant for you are going to meet you on the other side

CHAPTER 2 : THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SELF-SABOTAGE

• Overcoming self-sabotage is not to get rid of the impulses (this will not be a solution to your problem) but to understand why you have them in the first place
• Self-sabotage is not a way we hurt ourselves; it is a way we try to protect ourselves
• You don’t have big problems but big attachments
• Resistance is not the same as procrastination
  • Resistance is usually a sign that you need to slow down before you dive to something new and that you may need to backup and regroup
• Your upper limit is the amount of good, happiness and positive feelings that we allow ourselves to experience
  • Surpassing this upper limit may result in unconscious self-sabbotage
• To resolve the fear of perfectionism, you need to simply show up and do what you have to do again and again. That is how you reach mastery
  • Focus on progress, not perfection
• If you are unable to fully feel and process your emotions, you will get stuck with them and, ultimately, live only half the life you want to live
• Your environment needs to complement with the person you want to be
• Letting go of what is not right for us creates space for what is right for us
• If you learn to love others, you will learn to love yourself
• There is a difference between failing after trying and failing because you are not showing up
  • Failure is inevitable, but make your failures happen for the right reasons
• The people you spend the most time with will shape your future, choose them wisely
• Self-sabbotage often comes from deep core commitments (ex. to feel free, wanted, loved, in control…)
• You need to be pushed by a vision that is greater than your fears

Remind yourself that you love yourself too much to settle for less, or that it is okay to be angry in unfair or frustrating circumstances. Give yourself space to experience the depth of your emotions so that they do not control your behaviors.

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CHAPTER 3 : YOUR TRIGGERS ARE THE GUIDES TO YOUR FREEDOM

• Each ‘negative emotion’ comes with a message that needs to be uncovered
  • Unfolding those messages can be used as a catalyst for positive change
• Listening to your emotions:
  • Anger – a beautiful and transformative emotion. It can show us who we are and what we care about. Often the peak state we reach before changing our life for good
  • Sadness – interesting fact : crying at appropriate times is one of the biggest signs of mental strength
  • Guilt – often an emotion we carry from childhood and that we project on our current circumstances
  • Embarrassment – no one can make us feel as embarrassed as we make ourselves feel
  • Jealousy – a cover-up emotion for sadness and self-dissatisfaction. If you want to know what you truly want out of life, look at the people you are jealous of
  • Resentment – we resent people who did not meet the expectations that we created of them in our own minds. People are not in our life to be perfect, but to teach us lessons
  • Regret – people often regret what they should have done instead of what they did
  • Chronic fear – when we stop being afraid of what we cannot control and become confident in knowing that nothing will move us as much as our negative and irrational thinking, we become free of chronic fear
• There is no such thing as self-sabotage because the behaviors that you think are holding you back are really just meeting your needs
• Being too dependent on people and too independent ultimately come from the same wounds : mistrust and the inability to connect
• You already have the answers. Deep down you know what you are here to do
• Researchs proves the connection between our brain and bodies, which explains why we often have a gut feeling that is often correct. Our gut feeling is a calm and little voice
  • Our gastrointestinal system acts as a second brain
  • Your gut instinct can only act in the present, having an ‘insctinct’ about the future (which does not exist) is projecting and the result of your imagination (intuitive VS intrusive thoughts)
  • Your instinct is not a feeling but a response
• Our feelings very often represent our thoughts rather than our reality

Remember: Your brain was built for nature. Your body was designed to survive in the wild. You have an animalistic form trying to navigate a highly civilized, modern world. Forgive yourself for having these impulses, and at the same time, understand that your choices are ultimately yours. You can feel something and not act on it.

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• We have the same brain as our ancestors, but we live in a different environement

CHAPTER 4 : BUILDING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

• (Hard pill to swallow) : self-sabotage is ultimately a form of low emotional intelligence
• Emotional intelligence: the ability to understand, interpret, and respond to your emotions in an enlightened and healthy way
• We often believe that the moment we will attain that very goal or have that very thing we want we will really succeed in life. This is false because when we get what we really want, the dopamine surge will diminish and we will be left wanting always more
• Real change happens with microshifts
• Our minds get better and more creative with adversity, it requires stimulation in the form of a challenge
  • Protecting ourselves from adversity makes us more mentally weak and vulnerable
  • Embracing the grit is what you were made for
• We often resist most deeply the things that we want most
  • Greater responsibilities, facing ourselves, comfort zone, fear of failure…

There is no such thing as the path we could have taken, only a projection of our needs and desires onto another fantastical idea of what our lives might be.

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• You’re not overthinking – you are underthinking ; you are missing a part of your reasoning process
• Worrying is a subconscious defense mechanism that sensitizes us to an infinity of negative possible outcomes
  • Fun fact: rumination and creativity are controlled by the same part of the brain

CHAPTER 5 : RELEASING THE PAST

• You let go when you build a life so immersive and engaging and exciting, you slowly, over time, forget about the past
• Don’t force yourself to let go. Take a step forward little by little, day by day and, in the end, you will realize that this process has awakened a part of you that otherwise would have remained dormant. Also, you are still standing. You always will
• When we are unhealthily attached to our past, our vision is not clear enough to look at the experience in an objective and logical way

One day, you wake up and discover that by every identifiable measure, you have moved on. You’re so many miles from where you started, you can’t even remember it clearly. What you’re underestimating is the fact that though you can leave a place, or a person, or a situation… you can’t leave yourself.

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• What leaves the path clears the path
• We subconsciously step away from things and people that are not right for us, even if we are deeply attached to them
• Emotions (energy in motion) are physical experiences
  • Neurologically, the part of your brain that regulates emotions (anterior cingulate) is next to the premotor area, which connects to the motor cortex and then goes into the specific muscles that are going to express the emotion
• Healing your mind, in contrary to healing your body, is not linear and it is not a process in which you return to what you were before. It is a process in which you become someone entirely new

When you are no longer scared to feel anything, when you no longer resist any one part of your life, something magical happens: You find peace.

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• A real glow up is to feel so content with yourself and your life that you stop wanting to prove anything to anyone and wanting to get revenge
• There is no before and after in life ; we are always changing

CHAPTER 6 : BUILDING A NEW FUTURE

• Powerful people are very aware of their strengths and weaknesses
  • They are unfazed by small disturbances and willing to fully process and work through the big ones
• No matter what you do in life, people are going to judge you
• Assume that everyone and everything has something to teach you
• Become comfortable with being vulnerable
• By not validating our own feelings, we try to validate them through other people
  • Validating others teaches us how to validate ourselves
• It’s not that you don’t know what to do with your life, it is that you don’t know who you are yet

It is not the thing at which you, and only you, can succeed more so than anyone else. It is the things that naturally call you, that effortessly flow out of you, and that evoke specific emotions from you.

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• Your purpose is often found through pain

CHAPTER 7 : FROM SELF-SABOTAGE TO SELF-MASTERY

• The Buddhists believe that controling your mind is the path to enlightenment
  • It is to surrender to the functioning of our mind while controling our reactions to it
  • We control our emotions in a conscious way. When we suppress them, it is usually unconsciously

(…) be aware of how you feel but in control of how you respond. Emotions are temporary, but behaviors are permanent. You are always responsible for how you choose to act.

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• ‘In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.’ – Albert Camus
• No matter what will happen to you, within you will always reside a place of infinite knowing, wisdom and peace
• Chasing happiness will ironically make you forever sad and dissatisfied – because you are always after something external
• You will trully let go of the past only when you learn to learn from it and move forward
• Slow change, with a gradual expansion of our comfort zone, is effective and healthy change

CLOSING THOUGHTS

I did not expect this book to be so moving and to expose our truths in such a raw and honest way. This book can be an uncomfortable read for those who aren’t quite ready to face themselves and acknowledge their reality. Nevertheless, I believe it is an essential path in order to overcome self-sabotage and, ultimately, to thrive. I recommend this book to anyone who struggles with resisting change, clings to old versions of themselves out of fear, or feels trapped in cycles of self-destruction withtout understanding why we really do so.